My dearest Timmy,
First off, I love you… I love you. I love you. I love you. and I could say it a million more times and still not be done.
So many thoughts from today rushing in my head.. Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday you, Nicole, Andy, Ester, Abbey, Alaina and I were all in Memaw and Papa’s Basement with the family for Christmas.. Just a bunch of little kids, secretly opening our presents before it was our turn.. Stuffing our faces full of Chocolate and my mom’s all-star cheesy potatoes.. And falling asleep together watching Mickey Mouse Christmas to end the night. On Easter I remember you pulling me off to the side before the Easter Egg Hunt when you were too old to participate anymore, and telling me where all of the eggs were hidden. The adults never knew how Alaina and I found the eggs so fast.. It was our little secret.
Waking up this morning and facing the fact that this was our last day together was one of the hardest things for me. I was selfish.. I wanted you all to myself. To kick around the soccer ball one last time, to sing “Happy Birthday” to our relatives as loud as we possibly could one last time, and to get a look at those big, adorable ears of your one final time.
You’re nothing short of amazing Timmy. We all knew that on our own, but the overwhelming support of over 3,000 people at your visitation and so many that came to the church for the Mass today that they had to turn people away. I can’t even put it into clear words. It’s astounding. Who knew in only 26 years of life one kid from Imperial, Missouri could impact and touch so many lives. And have so many friends! I mean geez. As your best friend put it today, “He knew thousands of people in his short life, and I barely know ten”. Such a true statement. You had a way of turning strangers into friends. You wanted everyone to feel welcome.
Someone read a recommendation letter today from one of your doctors on rotation during your internship in Nebraska.. It spoke nothing but good things about you, you really had lived up to your last name King… Timothy Allen King, it has such a nice ring to it. It was one of those names you heard and you knew that person was going places. The letter said that you worked with the kids at the hospital so well it was almost like you had been doing this your whole life. There was one little boy that wouldn’t talk or get near any doctor there, so they sent you in, hopeful that you could help. All I think it took was a good fart joke of yours and your ear to ear smile and that little boy couldn’t get enough of you. You had a connection with kids that everyone wanted. To somehow be an adult, yet still part of the childhood world so may people craved to have access to.
The fact that you told your dad and Polly the reason you wanted to go into Pediatrics was inspired by Alaina and I as kids. Playing dress up with us, doctor, soccer, anything. Should make me feel blessed and loved. That I helped inspire you to help others. But then why does it make me so incredibly sad? Why does my heart hurt now that I know this more than ever before?
I want to say that after today with you now one with the Earth, helping spread life to the Earth in a very different way than before, that I am done writing about you. That I can close this Text post and know that I won’t need to write in it for comforting again. But then I’d just be lying. Timmy, you’re a man I will spend the rest of my life writing about. Telling stories about. And hopefully to one day make our family as proud of me and all I do as they are of you.
I don’t quite know how to end this. Or if I’ve even really begun it in the first place. All I do know is you did everything right in the situation and still ended up gone far too soon. So what does that mean for the rest of us?
I fear I’ll never find the answers to the questions I so desperately need answered. And I know one day I’ll be at peace with it all.. The waves will settle.. It’s a long but necessary process I’ve been told, Grieving, but until that day of peace comes the waves continue to crash over me. Each one hitting a little harder than the last. Wearing down the perfect little fragile world I had built of sand and shells.
I am curled up in a ball in my room right now, going through so many emotions even I didn’t know I had. I am surrounded by love and support of friends and family, who mean the world to me and are doing everything they can to be there for me.. But sadly I don’t think any of it is enough. I’ve never experienced this much sadness, this much heart ache.
I’m trying so hard to be strong. For my Alaina, who won’t show just how much this all hurts her (Stubborn just like you, because it must run in the family or something). For my Andy and Nicole, who are dealing with the loss of their brother. For Aunt Marilyn and Uncle Rich, the grandparents who loved you more than life. I’m trying to be the strong, independent girl everyone see’s me as. The one people come to for their problems, not the one who needs the comforting.
I know I won’t sleep much tonight. Or in the next coming nights for that matter. But when I finally do, I’ll be dreaming of you..
Timothy Allen king. September 25, 1987- March 5, 2014
"It’s not the years in your life that are important, but the life in your years."
I love you to the moon and back Timmy.